Still Alive
by Krystalicekitsu
Summary: Oneshot: Hojo sings 'Still Alive' in a moment of triumph. Total PWP/crack!fic.


**okay, i admit, this is a sin. and in more ways than you realize. not only did i make Hojo _semi_-like-able, i made him a dork, and relitivley harmless (a completel contradition to my beliefs). and then there was the most major sin of doing this instead of my japanese homework. yes, you can all throw something at me. but only if you're still alive. cause believe me, i'm still alive. i feel FANTASTIC and i'm still-**

**Fox: Okay, that's enough of _that_.**

**KIK: i wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuve you!!!**

**Fox: --; Hopeless. Completely hopeless.**

**on another note, this is a really nifty song and you can find it on youtube. the search terms are 'portal, still alive'. you should get a 'computer screen' looking vid. really niffty. this thing has rotted my brain. i go to produce more PWP crack.**

**PS- i did warn you.**

**Hojo, Ghast and all associated characters (C) SquareEnix**

* * *

"HA! That's IT!" Hojo chuckled gleefully, a slightly maniacal look in his eyes that made his aides inch away.

He quickly typed up a memo to the President, eager to share in his success. As he started typing, an up beat rhythm started from somewhere back in the labs. Happy as he was, Hojo didn't even care and gaily sang along to it:

"/_This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction. Aperture Science. We do what we must because we can. For the good of all of us._/"

He paused in though and then amended his previous statement "/_Except the ones who are dead._/"

With a wide, wide smile he continued right on, his smooth baritone accompanied by a high ringing melody that he was sure was one of his assistants tapping on the delicate test tubes. But he didn't care, especially when one of the Behamut-damned underlings brought in cake. "/_But there's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake. And the Science gets done. And you make a neat gun._/"

He paused again, mid cake-eating.

"/_For the people who are still alive._/"

As he twirled around in his lab, white coat spread out behind him, and a fork dangling from his mouth, he stopped in front of his late-wife's photo and sang to her, the words coming out _slightly_ mumbled past a huge bite of white cake and blueberry frosting.

"/_I'm not even angry.  
I'm being so sincere right now.  
Even though you broke my heart.  
And killed me.  
And tore me to pieces.  
And threw every piece into a fire.  
As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!_/"

He spun around to face his experiments. Hojo munched cheerfully as he examined the newest reading on a large view-screen, using his fork (and smears of blue-tinted frosting) to highlight numbers and readings, "/_Now these points of data make a beautiful line. And we're out of beta. We're releasing on time. So I'm GLAD I got burned. Think of all the things we learned for the people who are still alive._/"

Ghast came out of his office at the commotion, and stopped dead with a horrified/dazed/bemused look at his college singing. He coughed and motioned himself leaving.

Hojo stuck out his tongue, "/_Go ahead and leave me. I think I prefer to stay inside. Maybe you'll find someone else to help you._/"

He grinned slyly, "/_Maybe Black Mesa… THAT WAS A JOKE._/"  
He laughed, "/_FAT CHANCE. Anyway, this cake is great. It's so delicious and moist._/"

He blew a raspberry as his partner slipped out the door, "And you can't have any!"

The nervous aides began to twitch as he continued, each circle he traveled in making them jump higher, "/_Look at me still talking when there's Science to do. When I look out there, it makes me GLAD I'm not you. I've experiments to run. There is research to be done. On the people who are still alive./_"

He paused, "Maybe Valentine, too…" but shrugged and continued singing, picking up an ampoule and adjusting the amount of liquid inside, "/_And believe me, I am still alive._/"

"/_I'm doing Science and I'm still alive._/" he stopped in front of a new subject, eager to start another experiment.

Throwing up his arms in glee he nearly shouted the next line in his song "/_I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive!_/"

Sadistically, he glanced down at the subject on the table and injected it with the syringe, "/_While you're dying I'll be still alive!_/"

"/_And when you're dead I will be still alive./_"

"/_STILL ALIVE!/_"

* * *

Ghast waited till he was suitably away from any of the security cameras before shaking his head. He really wished the greasy old bat would choose a different way to celebrate; he was getting tired of the cake stains on the keyboards.

* * *

**so. sutibly cracked-out yet? no? oh, well that sux. /sadistic grin/ just means i'll have to try harder for you!**


End file.
